‘The Purest Form of Chaos’ Characters As Their Author’s Tweets

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There are a handful of ways to get to know fictional characters. Whilst I, like most authors, would suggest reading the novel, there is another way. Below is a collection of random things I posted on twitter within the past year, assigned to the characters from The Purest Form of Chaos that would be most likely to tweet them.

Persephone:
“Do u ever just open a jar really good and think 2 urself THIS is what it means 2 b a strong independent woman?”

Phoenix:
“Life hack: get yourself a best friend who’s an even dumber bitch than you are, so your dumb bitchery will always be put into perspective”

The Tsar:
“This just in: men are confusing.”

Phoenix:
“I want to run away to a foreign country, which is all good and well, aside from the fact that I am currently in a foreign country I ran away to”

Drew:
“Me to the male leaders of the Russian monarchy: what’s your tsar sign?”

Persephone:
“Why eat your feelings when you could let your feelings eat you?”

Drew:
“It makes so much sense that Glasgow uni is a Capricorn”

Persephone:
“tfw your boyfriend-who’s-not-your-boyfriend breaks up with you”

Phoenix:
“There’s a website called screamintothevoid dot com, where you can type things and they disappear into a void with a screaming sound. Anyway, that’s what the inside of my brain looks like rn.”

Dr Skryabin:
“The one upside of getting my heart broken is that it’s really helped me bond with my cat.”

The Tsar:
“There is a fine line between dumb bitch and evil genius, and I like to use that line as a jump rope”

Phoenix:
“Me: why do philosophy bois feel the need to mention Marxism in every! single! conversation!?
Also me, a former philosophy gurl: oh yes, let’s sprinkle my essay with references to obscure philosophers to make myself sound way more educated than I actually am”

Kai:
“How many hours after someone’s left your emotionally honest, heartfelt message on read is it socially acceptable to passive-aggressively send them the YouTube link to The 1975’s “Sincerity is Scary”?”

Elizaveta:
“Oooh yeah, it’s time to drink coffee and listen to ABBA and tweet about socialism”

Phoenix:
“Okay but when John Green said pain demands to be felt, did he consider that there is another option: vodka?”

Mariana:
“There is one truly great motivator in this life. It is not love, it is not money, it is not fame or success or glory. O no, it is pure unadulterated spite, and THAT is what I am going to utilise to finish my dissertation.”

Dr Skryabin:
“Drinking matcha lattes from my cat mug is bringing me a disproportionate amount of joy. Have I been a basic bitch all along?”

Persephone:
“It’s that part of the novel where the heroine cuts off all her hair as a visual metaphor for the internal changes that have occurred since her story began”

Phoenix:
“Me: I’m not a mum friend, I don’t have a maternal bone in my body.
Me to my friend: here’s some ice cream, go tidy your room.”

Dr Skryabin:
“Me, flirting: so…do you want to come home and meet my cat?”

Kai:
“Life would be so much easier if everyone went to therapy.”

Persephone:
“New rule: if you’re a strange man trying to slide into my dms you have to buy my novel first + leave reviews on Amazon and Goodreads. If creepers gonna be creepin’ I want to at least profit from it financially.”

Phoenix:
“It has occurred to me that perhaps the reason I’ve consistently been attracted to pretentious men is because I, too, am pretentious.”

Elizaveta:
“Okay but imagine if money wasn’t a thing, and housing and education were free, and our existence didn’t depend on serving the greed of our capitalist overlords…”

The Tsar:
“If you knew me 3+ minutes ago no you didn’t”

Tatiana:
“Can’t believe I had the audacity to look cute when I’m stuck inside”

Dr Skryabin:
“Now that I have seen a bat penis, my life will never be the same again”

Persephone:
“In the space of three days I’ve gone from spamming [friend] with messages about my love life to spamming [friend] with messages about the revolution I want to start, so yes, this time of solitude and self-reflection really has helped me grow as a person.”

Phoenix:
“The main thing I’ve learnt during lockdown is that people can still piss me off when they’re over 500 miles away and have zero contact with me. The human species is truly amazing!”

The Tsar:
“Welcome to the dystopian nightmare.”

Persephone:
“My favourite feminist activity is screaming with other women. Shouting “fuck the patriarchy!” over Kelvinbridge in the middle of the night? Beautiful. Screaming whilst walking up university avenue? The ultimate act of resistance. Anyone want to join my feminist screaming cult?”

The Tsar:
“Just when I thought I couldn’t get any more obnoxious, I impulsively bought a juicer. Its name is Juicy Boi, and every time it fills me with dat sweet sweet celery juice it will further my illusion that I have my life in order.”

Dr Skryabin:
“Life is difficult, people are difficult, finding your place in the world is difficult. But the most valuable, meaningful achievements and relationships are not bred from shying away from difficulty. Sometimes the struggle only increases the value of the outcome.”

Drew:
“Why do I buy flannel shirts every time I have an existential crisis?”

Phoenix:
“It’s kinda worrying when I can barely tell the difference between my angsty yearning diary entries and quotes from Wuthering Heights”

Persephone:
“My sister kept giving me rational and reasonable advice [vomit emoji], so now whenever she asks me how I’m doing I respond only with memes, to assert the dominance of my chaotic nature”

Drew:
“You can lie to me but you can never lie to my tarot cards xoxo”

Phoenix:
“It’s so unsettling that people can just… perceive me.”

Persephone:
“How did I forget Marina and the Diamonds’ “To Be Human” existed when that song is essentially my personality?”

Phoenix:
“Every time I try to come up with a New Year’s resolution that directly attempts to curtail my dumb bitch nature, I am reminded of two years ago when I made a resolution to go the whole year without crying in pub toilets and only lasted till March.”

Tatiana:
“Sibling rivalry does not disappear in adulthood. My sister was like “my baby is going to school all day tomorrow” and I was like “MY baby is addicted to catnip and likes to scratch the walls”.”

Persephone:
“Whenever I think my taste in men has hit rock bottom, it somehow manages to get worse.”

Literally every character:
“If you’ve ever wondered “who is Eliza, beyond the sad girl meme mood boards and semi-ironic tweets about her love life?” read my novel (and leave a review on Amazon because I crave validation). I promise it’s nothing like my tweets!”

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